You read about this phase in labour where you feel like you don't want to go through with the crowning bit and would rather zip it all up and just go home but I reckon I also go through a breast feeding transitional phase. It's a theory I have developed pretty much overnight, without any sleep or scientific basis whatsoever.
 
In my experience, I get to the 6 week mark think all is going ok with the breast feeding, sorted out the latch by queuing up to let a 'counsellor' fiddle with my boobs, got rid of green poos (a topic for another post), weight gain becomes acceptable to even the most judgmental health visitor and then we hit a wall. Both my babies started screaming day and night at this 6 week stage. Wonder week? Growth spurt? Colic peak? Reflux? Whatever it is it sends me into a breast feeding hating rant and makes the Dad kindly offer to buy formula.  I then grab the breast pump to sadly find out what I ready know, milk drips out at the rate of an ounce an hour mechanically confirming I can't feed my baby and my baby is actually screaming that he's starving!

I've been through all this before.  Booboo's first weeks were exactly the same so I think it's a 6-8 week mountain I have to overcome. I haven't reached for the formula just yet because I hold it out to be the miracle answer when things get desperate and if I gave it to the Boy and he still screamed It would send me over the edge! So I'm soldiering through and choosing to believe that I am built to feed my baby just what he needs and that he isn't actually starving as he's putting on weight and, just like the labour transitional phase, I'm praying once it passes we are home and dry! Today I hate breast feeding and in a few months when I am weaning the Boy off I will be a hormonal wreck not wanting to stop.

Just to make sure the screaming isn't anything to do with his cranium? I'm also going to see a cranial osteopath which may probably be akin to burning £40 but talk of such pro activity and an appointment got me up and dressed today!

I got to the stage where the Boy's colic is battling with my sleep deprivation and I am desperate to put the Boy down for one minute to get on with the mundane tasks of life. I don't want to go to a party or even to the loo I just want to put the washing on or prevent Booboo from falling off a bench. The Boy (just like Booboo) wants to be held because he's brand new and that's how nature
intended before the expectations of superwomen made you feel like your house needed to be in order before your first cup of tea. It's not his fault. I understand his needs I just can't fulfil them 100% of the time.

It's his screaming that I need to curb because I can't do the tasks I need to do with normal blood pressure whilst I watch veins protrude from my baby boy's forehead.  I doesn't help that the Boy was born with fully functioning tear ducts so has been crying, run down your face, tears since day 1! So last weekend, after hosting the most shambolic BBQ, the dad went to get a dummy. We tried this with Booboo but either our reservations or her unwillingness to comply meant we soon gave up. The Boy however took quite willingly and broke his 13 hour straight feeding/screaming session and fell asleep for over an hour. I then splashed about with Booboo in the paddling pool and devoured the left over BBQ food.

I feel guilty about dummy use but I don't know why? Why do I feel like I've given up? Maybe because cave women didn't have them and therefore I'm not being natural? That's a crap argument as I push my kid in a buggy and change him using disposable nappies. Maybe it's because Booboo didn't have one and I am already feeling like standards of parenting are slipping in the Guilty House. And why do I feel like a dummy is reinforcement of slipping standards? What school of thought ever started that ridiculous notion?  

On the upside, I wrote this post on my phone sat in the sunny park, eating a sausage sandwich whilst the Boy drifted off with the aid of the dummy.

So a dummy sometimes means my boy doesn't scream for so long, I am not feeding every 45 minutes and I can play with my daughter. The dummy is therefore the best thing for the family as a whole but why do I feel a bit sad about it?

Posts from now on will have to be short and I apologise in advance for the spelling and grammatical mistakes. To get on the laptop I've already had to walk 2 miles to get the Boy to sleep and as I frantically type standing up in the kitchen I can hear him waking up.  He's in the garden as helpfully both my newborns only sleep outside in the day. 

Anyway, this post isn't meant to be about where we are but how we got here.  The Boy was born on 9 April 2013 at 10:40am weighing 8lb. He's amazing and I am still shocked I have a boy.  I won't bore you with a detailed labour story, the result was as you would expect: some pain, lots of mess and a beautiful baby boy.  This labour's only distinguishable feature from Booboo's was the accelerated timetable once it all kicked off.  From car park to movie style waters breaking to first cuddle in less than 30 minutes.  Looks like a home birth is on the cards if I ever do this again whether I want one or not. 

One annoying feature of pregnancy this time was the protracted latent phase of labour or more straight up term - false labour.  I thought I would know when I was in labour but I thought I was about 5 times before I actually was.  For 4 days before the big day mild contractions started around about the time the Masterchef rounds started on TV and would stop if I had a bath, sit or lay down.  So for 4 days I tried to not sit or lay down and kept walking.  What a waste of time and energy.  I just ended up exhausted at the very time I needed all my strength.  If I have any advice about knowing when labour has started it's that if you have to do star jumps and pelvic thrusts into the stairs to maintain contractions that cause you some type of pain then labour hasn't started and you should sit down, eat something and relax.  Oh another piece of advice, don't blame people for stopping your labour! It's most definitely not their fault unless they have a gun to your head which may impact on your relaxation techniques.  On Friday 5th April I called the nans because I thought I was in labour, when they arrived and my contractions stopped I blamed them and asked them, quite rudely, to leave. Good job they like me because I could be doing this without their much needed support as I was such a stroppy cow.

So now we are 4 and 4 weeks in, it's been crazy! Nature is amazing at making you forget how hard the newborn phase is.  If you could remember clearly I reckon we'd be quite a small population.  I don't really understand how there are so many mummy bloggers.  It seems pretty difficult to write stuff, type stuff or even find the laptop under all the mess. Hopefully I will get chance to post regularly as already there have been some amazing moments I want to note for the children and some really tough times I want to remember as a form of contraception. 

I am publishing this whilst the Boy screams in my ear! Blog post guilt!

I am a week from my due date.  I tricked myself into thinking this baby was coming early because my bump had dropped and I was feeling like I was holding a baby in rather than carrying one but it looks as though we're seeing this one through to the end and then probably another fortnight.

Luckily for friends and family I haven't turned into the impatient monster I became when waiting for Booboo's arrival.  I am pretty relaxed this time because every night of uninterrupted, uncomfortable sleep is to be savoured.  I was so mean at the end of Booboo's pregnancy and people stayed away because I lost any filter I've ever had that prevented me from snapping heads off.  One week overdue I started throwing money at the situation.  As a closet lover of the alternative and homeopathic I sought help at the local 'clinic'.  A reflexologist promised me that my foot massage with the help of the good fairies and energy that surrounded me would have this baby in my arms in 24 hours for £40.  Two acupuncturists reassured me with their success stories that contractions would start within 12 to 24 hours of their needles being inserted for the total cost of £120 plus travel fees to London on one occasion.  Day 11 post due date and I desperately went back to an acupuncturist who told me to drop my bad attitude and accept that you cannot control labour and that I should just deal with the fact that induction was likely and before she had even put a needle in me I had my first contraction.  So if anyone wants to come over and have a go at me, I will pay you for that service if it results in a baby but I am not paying upfront again.

Realistically, I am resigned to going 2 weeks over.  Whenever this baby arrives I will be ready but I am still in the dark as to how Booboo will react.  I think she now knows something is up, she has started being really loving, whereas usually she uses a cuddle to get close enough to my face to poke me in the eye she now cuddles me saying 'my mummy'.  So cute but I worry she is already feeling the difference the imminent arrival will have on her life.  Booboo doesn't know how to; or why she should, wait and she is going to have to learn that all of her needs cannot be catered for at supersonic speed very soon.  I am quite teary lately at the thought of the changes Booboo will go through when this new baby arrives and I really do not want her to feel like a big girl because she is still my baby too. 

Other than a gorgeous new baby who smells like vanilla milk, I am also waiting for a glass of cold fizzy wine, ideally this English one, a brie and grape sandwich from M&S and to be able to cough without having to cross everything to stop me from weeing myself.  What did you look forward to most after giving birth?  I would love to add a few more treats to my hospital bag!

The response from Liz Truss has arrived!  As you may be aware, I asked readers of this blog to let me know their views on the Department for Education's report entitled More Great Childcare so that I could put these forward in a parent bloggers meeting with Liz Truss that I attended in February.  I received a great response and summarised the views and opinions received into this table.  I have set out below the minister's responses to the issues raised in the table.  Please let me know what you think?! Does this response change your view in any way?

RESPONSES FROM LIZ TRUSS:

1.    Will the quality of care be diminished?

For nurseries

On the contrary our proposals will help ensure more high quality childcare is available. High quality childcare promotes children’s development in the early years and is crucial to their future success at school and in life.
 
Our proposals will allow high quality nurseries to exercise their own professional judgement giving them the freedom to deploy their staff to best meet the needs of the children and parents. These flexibilities will only be available to nurseries employing highly trained staff. For example, if a member of staff is off sick or needs to leave the premises for a short period of time, then high quality nurseries will be able to put in place the cover which they Judge to be safe and appropriate.

These changes will give providers the incentives and flexibility they need to deliver the best for children and by doing so provide parents with more choice.

For childminders

The current ratio requirements for childminders are needlessly complicated and burdensome.  For example, childminders caring for twins, or for their own babies are allowed to look after two babies, but other childminders are not given this flexibility.  Under our proposals, childminders will be able to use their own professional judgement about what works best for them and the children in their care.  

There are superb childminders right across the country, but we need to attract more talented people to the profession. Nothing is more important in early education than the quality of the staff delivering it – this is what makes the difference to children’s development.  That’s why we are introducing childminder agencies, which will offer a far simpler route into the job. Agencies will free up professionals to focus on their actual job – looking after children.
 
2.   Will the objective of freeing up more places be met?

For nurseries

Yes, the proposed changes mean it will be easier for high quality nurseries to take on an extra child or children where they judge it appropriate – which will lead to more high-quality childcare places being available, at the time when parents need them.

For childminders

We want childminders, like the one in the rural area that you mention, to have more flexibility and to be able to decide how many children of different ages they can care for. Within the existing overall limit of six, we are proposing that childminders can look after one additional child under the age of five. They will be able to use their own professional judgement about what works best for them and the children in their care. 

3.   Will the objective of decreasing the cost of childcare be met?

For nurseries

Being able to pay staff more will help attract more bright and talented people to the profession – and will help bring pay in line with some of our European counterparts. Currently the important staff who work in our nurseries have average annual earnings of £13,300 – well below the£16,000 in France, £20,000 in Denmark and £22,000 in Sweden. This is despite the fact that the UK Government spends the same on childcare as the French. Of course if nurseries are already employing highly qualified staff fees might be reduced.

Currently not enough money is going to the frontline. We outlined steps in More Great Childcare to remove the duplication of quality assessment that local authorities carry out in addition to Ofsted, which should mean more money can go to the frontline and are looking at further steps to make sure as much money as possible goes direct to nurseries. 

Further announcements around what we are doing to make childcare more affordable will follow shortly.
 
For childminders

We want to increase the number of childminders.  Their numbers have halved in the last 20 years. New childminder agencies will provide a new route into the profession, helping them with registration, training and practice.  This will create more choice for parents.  
 
4.    Will the safety of children be put at risk?

For nurseries

The safety of children is paramount.  High quality staff working in well organised settings is what creates a safe environment. Only providers who employ highly qualified staff will be able to operate with the proposed new ratios. 

We hope nurseries will be able to use the new ratios and most crucially their own professional judgement to better manage situations, such as a member of staff dealing with a problem. In practical terms, if a member of staff is off sick or needs to leave the premises for a short period of time, then high quality nurseries will be able to put in place the cover which they judge to be safe and appropriate.

Our proposals are intended to give providers the flexibility to exercise their own professional judgement about what works best for the children in their care and parents who use their services particularly in terms of the number of children they feel they can take on. This will bring us in line with some other European countries which have a more flexible approach to
adult-to-child ratios.

For childminders

The number of children a childminder can look after is staying the same.  We are simply giving them more flexibility to decide the ages of those they care for. It will be up to individuals to decide how to manage their business.
 
5.   Won’t staff in nurseries be demotivated, overworked and unhappy in their roles under the new proposals?
 
We want to make sure hard working and high quality staff are properly rewarded for this challenging job.  It is wrong that nursery workers earn an average of £6.60 barely above the minimum wage.  We want to make it easier for nurseries to attract quality and talented staff. We calculate that the new ratios create the headroom for many nurseries to pay staff an extra £3000, closing the gap between the average childcare worker in England (£13,300) and France (£16,300), with even larger increases in pay for highly-qualified staff. 

The changes we are introducing will make sure that the contribution nursery staff make to young children’s development is recognised and valued and ensure  that as many children as possible get the benefits of a high-quality early education, which is what we and early years professionals both want.
 
6.   Are comparisons with other countries persuasive enough to warrant the
reforms?

The truth is that we have one of the most stringent set of ratio requirements for children aged two and under of any European country.  Our restrictive ratios contribute to the low pay of childcare workers and high costs for parents and mean it is harder to attract bright and talented people to join the profession.

Childcare in this country must be world-class, we want a system which is looked upon with envy by other countries. We feel there is real value in looking abroad to see what works particularly countries like France where high quality childcare places are widely available and hugely popular with parents.

Childminder agencies already operate successfully in many countries like France and Canada, and we know that many nurseries in this country are already drawing upon best practice by, for example, introducing family rooms, similar to a model which is popular in Scandinavia where children of mixed ages from 2-5 years learn and play together.
 
7.   Will childcarers get a say on whether the ratio reforms are
practical?

Yes.   We are currently running a consultation on our ratio proposals and I encourage
anyone with an interest in the issue to make their views known.  

I am prone to a strop and have often been described as mardy but I actually need discipline for my daughter.  As previously disclosed, I'm a walkover or should I say I was a walkover.  I am on maternity leave now and I am determined to get some actual direction and strategy as to how to discipline Booboo for her own good and for the happiness of the Guilty House.

It is mainly temper tantrums and obstinance that we struggle with, oh and embarrassingly, Booboo at 19 months has started to mock us! If we ask her to sit down in the bath she will say 'Oooh sit down'.  This is funny, funny to everyone we tell but she says it standing up, 3 inches away from a dangerous, protruding tap that could seriously harm her should she fall.  Booboo can also turn family fun into a high stress situation in moments even when all intentions were to give her the best time possible.  The picture above shows a happy little girl, imaginatively playing in her princess castle painted by her own fair hands, however, the reality of this picture is a 'lock in' situation whereby Booboo had painted most of her body and then begun to flick paint all over the room and put glue followed by glitter in her own hair and mine.  This well meant craft project had gone horribly wrong and as I tried to tempt Booboo to the bathroom to tidy up she sensed my panic and refused to move until I finally asserted my strength and wrestled her raging up the stairs.  I take all the blame for this craft carnage, I didn't set it up at all well, gave her too much choice and forgot that I pay for nursery to do messy play.

I have already spoken to Booboo's nursery about discipline.  I kind of had to. Last week as Booboo was rolling under our car in the nursery car park in a fit of rage at the mere mention of going into the car seat, the nursery manager appeared.  With a magical 'Hello, what are you doing under there', Booboo shimmied out smiling her little face off with open arms for the nursery manager to pick her up and place her in the hated car seat in our car.  I felt like a right winner! Anyway, the nursery manager is a kind woman and didn't gloat but she said that I might want to think about getting Booboo a timer and that when I wanted her to do something to set the timer to go off in so many minutes and when it buzzed Booboo would be more likely to do the thing I asked of her.  So in other words, give Booboo a bit more warning and autonomy.  It sounds plausible to me so we will give it a go.  Anyone else used the egg timer discipline method, ETD as I will now call it?  I really do hope ETD doesn't stand for Estimated Time of Disaster in Booboo's case!

We don't think Booboo's behaviour is anything out of the ordinary and the worst of it is luckily reserved for just for me and her dad.  Third parties that care for Booboo think she is an angel and experts would say that the temper tantrums and meltdowns stem from frustration because her communication is not as advanced as her understanding.  This is all fine but my instincts say that we need to set some boundaries around here.  The Babycentre website has some helpful articles but their suggestions have been tried and tested in this house and to no effect.  They say use compromise, don't rationalise with her when she is worked up, be consistent and unwavering and to explain that life just isn't fair all of the time.  I think we do all of these!  We need new ideas.

I am a wannabe, most of the time failing, earth mother and I don't want to break my girl's spirit or knock her confidence but I want to keep her safe and us sane and not wanting to sound too hopeful but it would be great if our stern voice didn't make her laugh.   The naughty step is often cited as an effective tool but at 19 months I don't think Booboo will understand and just attempt to climb our ridiculously steep stairs. Can anyone offer any advice, techniques or tips they have employed to deal with toddler discipline?  Open to all suggestions! 




 

What would you think if you were bought an apron for Mother's Day? Personally, I would be chuffed to bits.  Indoors I am know as Arthur as in 'half a job' and I am so untidy and too easily distracted to be safe or reliable in the kitchen.  All of these misgivings are kind of ignored when I am working long hours all week and Booboo's dad, in his apron adorned with Rocky Balboa, takes up the slack but on maternity leave I need to up my game.  If I am honest it's other mums I care most about.  To them I want to come across as a super powered mixture of the apron wearing, domestic goddesses that are Kirsty Allsop, Nigella Lawson and Mary Berry.  I think owning an apron would be a good start to achieving this.

I wouldn't see an apron present as a 'get in the kitchen you wench' kind of insult; I would see it as a confidence booster kind of like giving teenagers their own set of house keys.  You see I have 10 per cent. of the craft skills of my mum and I often use her to create amazing homemade stuff that I can pass off as my own but what I lack in talent I make up for in enthusiasm which has led to a house full of half finished craft projects.  With a bit of Kirsty inspiration and a new apron I'll be on my way. 

As for cooking, Nigella Lawson is my favourite.  We have stuff in common like midnight snacking and the hips to show for it and I will be taking my inspiration from her this year.  Never too much butter, chocolate or sugar! Booboo's dad AKA 'snake hips' may be joining Nigella and I in the hips department if my cooking takes off and that's no bad thing for my self-esteem.

As for Mary Berry's influence on my maternity leave, this is the biggest challenge.  Last lot of biscuits baked for 1 hour 40 minutes whilst I took Booboo to a class.  I think I am going to need more than a new apron to help me but desserts are worth a bit of dedication and I will be trying my hardest to have a cake tin to be proud of.

On a more general note, if I improve at all of these apron wearing duties it will make for a happy Guilty House.  Booboo's dad will be pleased to hang up his Rocky apron for a while and I even reckon that if my new skills develop, and coincide with the married couple tax breaks that may be introduced; I have a shot at actually getting married?  Also, how can you have children tied to your apron strings if you don't have an apron? Apron please!

For a range of fabulous aprons, have a look at John Lewis' selection see: http://www.johnlewis.com/home-garden/kitchen/kitchen-linens/aprons/c8000031176/pg-view-all 

This post has been commissioned by John Lewis.
 

Yesterday I woke up thinking my dream of a joss stick burning, dimly lit, water birth would have to be cancelled for an elective c-section.  My midwife had assured me that my baby was transverse, there was little room for external manipulation, a c-section would be on the cards and I needed a presentation scan as soon as possible to confirm.  Presentation scan yesterday took all of 30 seconds to tell us that the baby was head down, no c-section to be booked.  However, between 9am and the scan I started panic buying, alerting family and stupidly reading traumatic internet stories.  I wish the midwife had just said 'unsure of how this baby is lying, let's get it checked'.

It wasn't just the midwife who was alarmist about this transverse lie news.  I phoned my company's health insurance provider who cheerily and nonchalantly said that as the c-section was required because of a threat to maternal life I would be covered! Cheers! Looking at the positives of this over dramatisation, I have a packed a hospital bag.

I think midwives are essential and amazing and my particular midwife has been brilliant throughout both pregnancies so this post is not a criticism of midwives it's more of an observation of how sure people can be even when they are totally wrong and I think this happens a lot in pregnancy and when discussing babies.  For example, health visitors, now there is a service which could do with some harmonisation.  In the same room two different 'baby professionals' can tell you that you are doing everything right and everything wrong within 10 minutes of asking them a simple question.  It also seems to be a world where just saying your personal opinion counts as health professional advice.  One health visitor told me that one Magnum ice-cream a day would increase my breast milk supply enough to stop Booboo crying incessantly.  Even in my new mum naivety, I just laughed. 

Do you have any examples of midwives or health visitors categorically telling you something that you found to be unsubstantiated? I know of a mum who was told pre-test that her child was likely to be profoundly deaf which turned out to be untrue and a lady who was told her new baby boy was a girl at a gender scan and the 20 week scan. 

Mums are probably the worst though at being 'baby experts'.  I find mums always advise so matter of factly as to how problems can be fixed with very little understanding and absolutely no first hand experience of your baby.  I am guilty of this, as much as I try not to, I can't help but give my two pennies worth when invited.  There is something about becoming a mum and going through this shared experience that provides you with a right to chat, opine, problem solve and irritate other mums but what I have learnt from this week's events is that from now on I am not going to tell anyone anything I do not know as fact without saying 'maybe' or 'don't hold me to this'.  

The last 8 months have flown by and in that time my first baby has learnt to walk, tell me to be careful and draw on the sofa and my second baby has grown to 42 centimetres in length and worked out how to use its feet to play my ribs like a xylophone.  All totally mind-blowing stuff.

This pregnancy can be differentiated from the last by the fact that I have been denying the outcome of this one a little bit.  Obviously I feel guilty about this.  This pregnancy has been good to me and now I am getting the fear that it may not all work out and I am party responsible because I have been slightly blasé.  I mainly blame Booboo's dad for this worry.  I remember going out for dinner with him a week or so before Booboo was born and him saying 'I am worried that I am going to lose you both in childbirth', where he got the bright idea to say that to me I will never know!  Anyway, enough negativity, last night I turned a corner and realised this baby is coming very soon and as I folded tiny newborn white sleepsuits and arranged pointless scratch mitts into a drawer I was bitten by the excitement that my whole world is about the change. 

Today I started making lists of things Booboo's dad has to do and things I have to buy.  I booked in my last hair appointment before the big day and realised that I must focus on thinking of a name for my child as apparently the council will not do this for you if you can't think of one. It wouldn't be right and proper if I didn't destroy part of my house just before the birth of my second child so we are ripping out our kitchen so that we increase our chances of having no water, electricity or heating the day we return from hospital.  So that's it, I am on the last stretch and I am feeling a little more ready to meet this baby even if I have no car seat, no double buggy, no name and soon no kitchen.

I know deep down my daughter is the best baby that has ever been born.  I don't need to explain that to anyone or give examples of how her behaviour demostrates this fact because this knowledge is so deep rooted.  I have no idea where I got this inherent belief came from but I can only guess it is another guise of the unconditional love I have for my girl.

On Saturday, as I watched Booboo clumsily navigate the stairs of a slide at the swimming pool and cautiously lower herself down, I dismissed the younger, more agile baby that went before her's talent for sliding as reckless; obviously that child did not understand the dangers of the wet slide - silly thing!

It isn't as though Booboo was the first to do anything.  She wasn't an early walker, she isn't potty trained, but those are the basics, everything my baby does is more advanced than those rudimentary human skills any old baby can do! I am this bad! I read an article in the Daily Mail that a 2 year old was allowed into Mensa because it knew the difference between pink and purple; could draw a circle and described a villain in a panto as arrogant.  Now that presented me with a challenge! Poor Booboo is constantly being asked to draw round and around, pink is the only colour she can pick out at the detriment of all other colours and I described the tv news presenter as supercilious about 10 times this morning! Turns out I am a pushy mum.  

I noticed  Twitter people were discussing the over-praising issue recently and I agreed with the haters that constantly praising your child could be detrimental to a child's understanding of what constitutes success.  I can definitely see this happening to Booboo as she already congratulates herself with a round of applause when she drinks out of a cup without a lid and it isn't just Booboo that could be in for a fall from grace when she realises that she isn't the best at everything, I am the one that needs to be prepared.  I cannot even imagine how I will take a teacher giving me constructive feedback about Booboo, I am going to need to be tranquilised first! At Booboo's 12 month health check I was insulted when the sheet described her development as 'age satisfactory' - what a joke!

I don't think I can change how I feel about Booboo however hard I try and, for what it's worth, I reckon a child has years to find out that they are a bit average at some things and I don't think they should start that realisation too early.  I am going to try to reign it in a bit though as I don't want Booboo doing a victory dance every time she has a poo for the rest of her life as that will hold her back.

Mum guilt for thinking my girl is the best - 1 out of 10, she is to me.