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People always say that having a second child is different and they are right but the difference between my first and second child is not that my second sleeps better (unfortunately), is more adaptable or that I'm more confident the difference for me is much more emotional than practical. I was smacked in the face with love for Booboo! Not as soon as I gave birth but a few days or weeks in (I cant actually remember) it dawned on me that I was now so vulnerable and so strong because of her. I remember that I vehemently and rudely defended every choice I made for Booboo and I was the only one who could make the choices (with a little decision making power for irrelevant things allocated to the dad). This feeling of protecting what was mine was overwhelming at times and it is that feeling that has toned down with the Boy. I cant be a new mum again. I'm weathered now. I know I need help and those that help me don't want to hog my baby or ruin all of my good work they want to help me. I feel less irrational with the Boy and that at first worried me. I thought maybe I didn't feel as strongly as I did for Booboo but that's nonsense. All the love is there! I'm just staring at his sleep pale face as he lies across me and I'm so in love I feel sick but it's the craziness that's not there. In my opinion, as a first time mum, you need the craziness, you need to dismiss everyone's ideas (even those tried and tested for generations) and slag everyone else's parenting choices off to your other half because I think that's how you learn to be the parent you want to be and that shouldn't be influenced by anyone.  So that's it really and it's obvious: the main difference between having my first child and my second is that my second cant be my first.

 


Comments

Sarah
16/08/2013 21:10

Couldn't agree more xxx

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